ordinary… mostly

"We have nothing to offer each other, except a haven." — K. Nafziger



Breaking news from Worm Woman

We here at the ordinary news desk have heard that there are new wormy developments. (Read previous stories.) Our intrepid reporter caught up with Worm Woman to bring the latest news to our faithful readers.

ordinary (mostly): Worm Woman, what’s the latest news on the worms?

Worm Woman: The worms are no longer in our basement. They moved out to our compost pile. I don’t think they were very happy confined in their plastic tub of damp newspapers. Now they are free range worms.

o(m): Had something changed? I thought that their home had always been a plastic tub of damp newspapers.

WW: I thought maybe with the warmer weather they would reproduce and pick up the pace with their compost production, but they didn’t. They were only taking a tiny fraction of our overall compost production anyway.

o(m): Do you have any sense of what was wrong? In the middle of last year, they seemed to be thriving.

WW: Maybe I wasn’t checking on them often enough? Also, they probably would have liked me to buy them some official bedding, rather than using our old newspapers.

o(m): So – now they’re “free range” worms. Do you believe that children, like worms, should be “free range”?

WW: Your children are ranging freely even as we speak.

o(m): Thank you, Worm Woman. We trust that you will find new direction and meaning in your life, even in the absence of worms.

There you have it, folks. The worms are gone. Loyal readers may remember that it was, in fact, the worms that got this blog started – way back in April of last year. We hope that you won’t find this loss to be too traumatic.


Checking in with Worm Woman

It’s been four months since we last checked in with Worm Woman.  Here’s what she had to say when we caught up with her today.

ordinary (mostly): It’s been a while since we’ve discussed your worms. How are they doing?

Worm Woman: They’re living. They’re squirming around in their glorious pinkness.

o(m): Anything in particular that you’d like to say about your worms?

WW: They stay alive for two months at a time, even when I ignore them.

o(m): Why do you suppose that is?

WW: Cold temperatures slow them down.

o(m): So have you moved them outside for the winter?

WW: No. They’re just in their normal spot.  Being outside would phase them. I would guess that if you want to freeze and thaw worms and keep them alive, it can’t be quick. Flash freezing would kill them.

o(m): Thanks for your time, Worm Woman.

Update on those other pets

Ever since Jack came to our house, our worms have been feeling left out and neglected.  Jack has been getting the glory, the fame, and the blog posts.  Meanwhile, the worms get the scraps.  It makes them feel like second-class citizens.  Like dirt.  Lower than dirt.  Like… well, you know.

So the o(m) reporting staff caught up with Worm Woman yesterday for an update on those cute and cuddly little critters…

o(m): So I hear that the worms are doing well.  What’s been happening?

WW: I just finished sorting them. This time there were lots of cocoons, but not so many tiny babies. There was some anaerobic activity going on in there, and I think it was too wet. So I drilled a hole in the bottom for a drain and didn’t make the bedding so moist.

o(m): Did you get out any dirt?

WW: I took out everything except the worms and whatever was clinging to the cocoons. I put it in the garden.

o(m): And the worms got some treats then?

WW: They got a fresh cantaloupe rind, their favorite.

o(m): Ah – scraps. (muttered to self)

WW: What?

o(m): Never mind.  So how much soil did you get out?  A gallon?

WW: It was more like 2 or 3 gallons, and it had undigested parts like newspaper bits, peach pits and potato peelings in it.

o(m): Thanks for the update, Worm Woman!

The latest on the worms

We’ve heard some rumors about big stuff going on in worm land, so our intrepid reporter caught up with Worm Woman…

ordinary (mostly):  So – you’ve recently returned from a summer vacation.  How did the worms fare in your absence?

Worm Woman:  I gave them a big pile of food and they did their wormy thing. I’m not sure they realized we were gone.

o (m):  And what’s the latest on the worms now?

WW:  The worms have been sorted. Last Saturday I sifted by hand through six quarts of rich, black compost* to pull out as many worms as I could.  They got returned to the bin along with a couple handfuls of worm babies and eggs, fresh bedding, half a watermelon rind and some banana peels. While I was sorting compost, the banana peels were very popular (populated). I think I missed a bunch of worms, though, because there don’t seem to be very many when I check now.

o (m):  But I’ve heard you say that they sound healthy.  What, exactly, do you mean by “sound healthy”?

WW:  They sound like a wet sponge when it soaks up water.

o (m):  Ah.  I see.

WW:  Or like Rice Krispies right before they are all wet.

o (m):  That’s nice.  And what did you do with your compost?

WW:  I spread my compost around the base of my tomato plants.

o (m):  Yummy!  Now supposedly your mother is also getting into the worming business.  What can you tell us about that?

WW:  All I know is that she was putting together her fancy-schmancy composter when I last talked to her.

o (m):  “Fancy-schmancy”?

WW:  Yes.

o (m):  And where does she keep this fancy composter?  Does the neighborhood association have anything to say on this matter?

WW:  I don’t think the neighborhood association cares as long as it is inside.

o (m):  Will you be providing any worms?

WW:  I’ll give her a handful the next time I see her.

o (m):  Thank you, Worm Woman, for your time.

WW:  You’re welcome.  Care for a tomato?

o (m):  No, thanks.


* Editor’s note: “Rich, black compost” is a euphemism, if you know what I mean.  Try not to think too much about “rich, black compost” and “by hand” together in the same sentence.

Let me tell you ’bout the birds and the bees…

Hey, worm lovers!  Guess what!

Continue reading “Let me tell you ’bout the birds and the bees…”

Worm update

In an effort to maintain the prominence of the “worm” tag on my blog, I offer this story from this morning at our house…

Middle daughter has been away with the grandparents for the last week.  And this morning, she had a moment of rediscovery:

MD:  It has been a long time since I got the worms. I CLEARLY forgot that I even HAD the worms!

Something, we’d all like to forget, I think.


(Note: if you’re catching up on the worm story, try browsing these search results.)

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