We’ve heard some rumors about big stuff going on in worm land, so our intrepid reporter caught up with Worm Woman…
ordinary (mostly): So – you’ve recently returned from a summer vacation. How did the worms fare in your absence?
Worm Woman: I gave them a big pile of food and they did their wormy thing. I’m not sure they realized we were gone.
o (m): And what’s the latest on the worms now?
WW: The worms have been sorted. Last Saturday I sifted by hand through six quarts of rich, black compost* to pull out as many worms as I could. They got returned to the bin along with a couple handfuls of worm babies and eggs, fresh bedding, half a watermelon rind and some banana peels. While I was sorting compost, the banana peels were very popular (populated). I think I missed a bunch of worms, though, because there don’t seem to be very many when I check now.
o (m): But I’ve heard you say that they sound healthy. What, exactly, do you mean by “sound healthy”?
WW: They sound like a wet sponge when it soaks up water.
o (m): Ah. I see.
WW: Or like Rice Krispies right before they are all wet.
o (m): That’s nice. And what did you do with your compost?
WW: I spread my compost around the base of my tomato plants.
o (m): Yummy! Now supposedly your mother is also getting into the worming business. What can you tell us about that?
WW: All I know is that she was putting together her fancy-schmancy composter when I last talked to her.
o (m): “Fancy-schmancy”?
o (m): And where does she keep this fancy composter? Does the neighborhood association have anything to say on this matter?
WW: I don’t think the neighborhood association cares as long as it is inside.
o (m): Will you be providing any worms?
WW: I’ll give her a handful the next time I see her.
o (m): Thank you, Worm Woman, for your time.
WW: You’re welcome. Care for a tomato?
o (m): No, thanks.
* Editor’s note: “Rich, black compost” is a euphemism, if you know what I mean. Try not to think too much about “rich, black compost” and “by hand” together in the same sentence.