We’ve heard some rumors about big stuff going on in worm land, so our intrepid reporter caught up with Worm Woman…

ordinary (mostly):  So – you’ve recently returned from a summer vacation.  How did the worms fare in your absence?

Worm Woman:  I gave them a big pile of food and they did their wormy thing. I’m not sure they realized we were gone.

o (m):  And what’s the latest on the worms now?

WW:  The worms have been sorted. Last Saturday I sifted by hand through six quarts of rich, black compost* to pull out as many worms as I could.  They got returned to the bin along with a couple handfuls of worm babies and eggs, fresh bedding, half a watermelon rind and some banana peels. While I was sorting compost, the banana peels were very popular (populated). I think I missed a bunch of worms, though, because there don’t seem to be very many when I check now.

o (m):  But I’ve heard you say that they sound healthy.  What, exactly, do you mean by “sound healthy”?

WW:  They sound like a wet sponge when it soaks up water.

o (m):  Ah.  I see.

WW:  Or like Rice Krispies right before they are all wet.

o (m):  That’s nice.  And what did you do with your compost?

WW:  I spread my compost around the base of my tomato plants.

o (m):  Yummy!  Now supposedly your mother is also getting into the worming business.  What can you tell us about that?

WW:  All I know is that she was putting together her fancy-schmancy composter when I last talked to her.

o (m):  “Fancy-schmancy”?

WW:  Yes.

o (m):  And where does she keep this fancy composter?  Does the neighborhood association have anything to say on this matter?

WW:  I don’t think the neighborhood association cares as long as it is inside.

o (m):  Will you be providing any worms?

WW:  I’ll give her a handful the next time I see her.

o (m):  Thank you, Worm Woman, for your time.

WW:  You’re welcome.  Care for a tomato?

o (m):  No, thanks.


* Editor’s note: “Rich, black compost” is a euphemism, if you know what I mean.  Try not to think too much about “rich, black compost” and “by hand” together in the same sentence.