This blog on traditions was originally going to be much longer, but it eventually just became too unwieldy.  So I decided to pare it down and this was a much more manageable format.

I’m the older of my parents’ children.  As the firstborn, I’m the keeper of the traditions.  Sometimes, I insist on traditions just to give my sister fits.  Sometimes, I take advantage of my role as keeper of the traditions in order to make up new traditions on the spot.  It’s a lot of fun.

The traditions in my family are a mixture of lame and love, but I’m not sure the two are separable.  Real families have real foibles, and it’s always useful to be able to laugh at them – sooner or later.

1) Christmas tree selection

When I was young, we used to select our tree from among the trees planted as a wind break at my grandparents’  house.  These trees were not pruned or well-proportioned.  Once our tree had two points.  We used fishing line to pull the branches into place, and put the trees into the corner so that you only had to look at two sides.  My mom loved these trees.  (Ha!)

Now that I  have my own house, we have an artificial tree – the ultimate in lame.  This year I had a great idea for next year.  I’m going to cable-tie a power strip to the trunk to make it easy to plug in the lights.  How’s that for lame?

2) Christmas tree trimming

Both now and when I was young, the trimming of the tree was a family affair.  I helped my dad put up the tinsel and lights, and for the past two years my older daughters have done the same.  Then we all hang ornaments, both homemade and Hallmark-made.  Here’s one from childhood:

My wife thinks it’s ugly.  (The word she used just now is “historical”.)  Frankly, I don’t understand why it offends her.

My parents liked to give ornaments that commemorated something from the previous year.  Often, this meant that the ornament was hand-crafted by my father.  When you do this at the last minute, you open yourself to teasing from your children years later when they write about the ornaments in their blog…

(In case it’s not clear, it’s a thin piece of balsa, colored with marker and lettered with a Sharpie.  I have all of the ornaments that my dad made.  This was not his best year.)

3) Christmas Eve dinner – Oyster stew

No one actually likes oyster stew, except for my father.  However, I enjoyed enforcing the tradition more than I disliked the stew.  (This was because my sister really disliked the stew.)  Recently, the only oysters in the stew have been the oyster crackers.

4) Christmas morning traditions

Christmas morning activities at my parents’ house are very time-honored traditions.  We begin with a breakfast of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls arranged in the shape of a Christmas tree.  (As the family grew from four to ten, we’ve had to use two packages instead of just one.)  Then, we open stockings, which contain some small presents.  For example, I had band-aids and jelly beans in my stocking this year (among other things).  After the stockings, we read the Christmas story (which Oldest Daughter did this year).  Finally, we exchange presents, although in recent years we’ve also made charitable contributions in honor of family members.

5) The Christmas cantata

At the expense of some other good traditions, I’d like to finish with one that is no longer happening.  For many years (40 or 50, although I’m not sure that anyone knows for sure), my home congregation presented the Christmas story with a mixture of song and acting.  The major embellishment was the inclusion of a group of children who went to see the baby Jesus.  When I was young, I played the parts of different children, so that by the time that I was ten or so, I knew the parts of all of the children.  When I got too old to be one of the child actors, I joined the choir.  I still know these songs (especially the tenor lines) and I still enjoy them.

I’d love to hear about other traditions.  Maybe some of the faithful readers from my wife’s family will add their favorites?

Last month, I blogged the trip that my ordinary family made from our house to my in-laws’ house for  Thanksgiving.  Those random thoughts and observations from the road are the kind of things that I find interesting to read, even if no one else really cares.  And since I enjoy it, I decided to do the same thing today as my family drove to my parents’ house for Christmas.  We began our trip yesterday afternoon by driving to my in-laws’.  That cuts about three hours off the total time, and when the total time includes every daylight hour, it’s nice to start a ways down the road. This morning, the alarm went off at 6:00 a.m., and I skipped my morning shave and shower – don’t need to be presentable to anyone today.  Thus began an amazingly efficient day…

Get the older girls going, but let Youngest Daughter sleep.  She generally doesn’t eat much for breakfast anyway.

Amazingly, the family is packed and on the road by 7:40.  Not much traction on these residential streets, which isn’t a happy situation, but I’m optimistic that things will be fine once we get to the toll road.

My blogging machine is up and running.  Hoorah for Ordinary Spouse, who once again records my dictations (and adds snarky comments that I have to filter out).  At Thanksgiving, she was writing.  This time, she’s typing on our laptop.

The ice is pretty bad on the country roads, but we go slow and don’t use the brakes very much.  Youngest Daughter has a breakfast of cheese and zwieback (“feebuk”) in the van and the girls watch the pink beginnings of a sunrise over Amish farm fields.  We are all filled with anxious waiting for the “fast road” – some of us hope for traction and some want to watch a DVD (which doesn’t get turned on until then).

The toll road (I80/I90) is all that we hoped for – dry and vehicle free.  Cruise control is set at 70 mph and we’re moving right along.  Well – moving right along until…

We stop at the first rest area in order to deal with the breakfast coffee, which has wasted no time in working it’s way through our systems.

Excerpts from random conversations between the adult passengers in the front:

• What is a “turnpike”?  (One of us knows the answer and quizzes the other.)
• The amazing typing skills of Ordinary Spouse.  She never looks at the keyboard, but she never makes a mistake, either.
• How has Google become so large?  I realize that they seem to do everything I ever want to do on a computer, but I’ve never paid them a cent.  (i.e. I’ve never followed any of their advertising links.  I don’t even look at them.)

By 9:30 a.m., we’re twenty miles into Ohio.  The Little Mermaid prequel is playing on the DVD player in the back.  Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “Party Doll and Other Favorites” is playing in the front.  We drive past an orchard and under clouds (yes, clouds) of birds that have been getting drunk on rotting fruit.  We run the windshield washers to clean the windshield…

Ordinary Spouse makes a phone call to my parents to let them know that there is a good chance that we’ll be there by supper time.  At milepost 77, she breaks out the snacks for the first time: aquatic animals (goldfish) or land animals (animal crackers)?

Shortly after 10:30, we’re back on the road after our second rest stop at milepost 100.  Curious George is now playing in the back; Rich Mullins in the front.  The adults are having more random conversations.  I don’t know if it’s the daylight, or the grim determination that comes with a long day of travel, but it would appear that all of our conversations are going to be somewhat random.  (Often, we have our deep conversations when we travel after dark between Illinois and Indiana.  The trip is short, and the girls all go to sleep.)

The traffic is getting a bit heavier now before  lunch.  We get the first hints of sunlight, and I also express my appreciation for a friendly driver aware of what was going on around her.   (She was going to pass me, but saw that I was also overtaking the vehicle in front of me.  Since we had three lanes, she pulled to the outside, even before I started signalling.  We need more drivers like that.)

Then I express my frustration that there are considerably more drivers in the passing lanes than in the right lane.  Look folks – most of you aren’t passing anyone.  Pull over and stop clogging the road.

Going around Cleveland, Curious George has ended, and we’re all getting restless and ready for lunch.  We stop at the rest area at milepost 197.  Three of us eat at Au Bon Pain (which is French for “it’s a good hurt”) and two of us eat at McDonald’s (which is English for “greasy”).  After getting gas from the rest area food, we also get gas for our van.  That and some Starbucks to stave off afternoon drowsiness and we’re ready to go again.

I request some music to keep me awake – a mix CD which leads off with Guns ‘n Roses “Sweet Child O’ Mine”.  Ordinary Spouse asks what the lead singer looks like, but then decides that she doesn’t really want to know…

It’s time for naps, but the girls don’t nap when Ordinary Spouse naps, so her nap only last for about fifteen minutes.  By about 2:30 p.m., we’re into Pennsylvania and going south past Pittsburgh on I-79.  Simon and Garfunkel are now in the CD player (such uplifting songs – “I Am A Rock” and “Cecelia”).

The road signs are typical for Pennsylvania roads, warning of weather that doesn’t exist and road work that isn’t happening.  The houses in this area were built in the first half of the last century and cling to the hillsides.  They’re crowded together, just like the lanes of the road that we’re on.

By 4:00 p.m., we’re around Morgantown, and on I-68.  The passengers are getting antsy, because the West Virginia welcome area didn’t welcome us (closed for the season).  Mary Poppins is playing in the back seat, and the parents are discussing health care and the Nobel Peace Prize.

Ack!  The Maryland welcome center is closed, too.  Things are getting desperate by the time we make it to Keyser’s Ridge at exit 14.  At a quarter ’til five, we get back on the road.  Next stop: Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Twenty-eight miles to go.  It’s time to be there.

The last bit of light is fading from the sky and the Indigo Girls are the last CD of the day as we descend the mountain into Cumberland.  At exit 43B, our time on the interstates has ended.  Twelve minutes later, my father is opening the garage door for us.  5:20 p.m.  Five hundred miles in under ten hours.  It’s probably a record for us, at least with children.

Take some time to read this reflection by Jim Wallis:

Christmas in the Trenches:

Men who have come to know each other’s names and seen each other’s families are much less likely to want to kill each other. War seems to require a nameless, faceless enemy.

After 2000 years, does the coming Prince of Peace still have trouble finding room in our homes?

When I was young, one of the men in my church said to my father…

God made a certain number of heads.  Some God liked.  The rest God covered with hair.

I’ll let you take a guess at the relative amounts of hair on the heads of both of these men.

Years later at about the time I became a father, I saw a photo of myself from behind and was caught off-guard by the amount of glare coming off my head.  Well – that was an eye-opening photograph.  I decided that given the amount of hair loss which had already occurred, it didn’t make sense to be in denial or to fight back.  Soon thereafter, I got a clipper and sheared everything down to about half an inch.  Those were my “dandelion” days.  (I’ll let you work on that descriptive term for a while.)

Since then, my preferred length has just gotten shorter and shorter: three-eighths to a quarter and then to an eighth of an inch guard on my clipper.  Eventually, I removed the guard altogether.  Finally, earlier this year, I switched from a clipper to a blade.

You may ask, “So what’s your point?”  My point is to share this crazy gift that my wife got me for Christmas:

Yes – your eyes do not deceive you.  That’s a rolling, race-car razor for your head (or for the bald person in your life).  But wait – there’s more.  Because my wife didn’t just purchase the race car for me.  She purchased the whole starter kit.  So in addition to the razor, I also have the pre-shave exfoliating scrub (containing grape seeds and walnut shells), the mentholating shaving cream, and a choice of two post-shave lotions, which give your head either a glossy or matte finish!  There’s an adapter, which allows me to use my favorite razor blades from Gillette.  There’s a t-shirt, so that I can proudly proclaim my lack of hair, and a decal so that my car can do the same.  I’m all set!  (You can be, too, if you visit the website.)

This morning, I tried things out for the first time.  Here’s the 30 sec review:

• The shave was easy and close.  No problem with nicking.  Two thumbs up!
• Two challenging spots will need some work.  The tight area right above my ears was hard to get to, and the wavy part of my skull in the back didn’t get cut quite as close.
• I’m not sure yet how well this will work for the rest of my face.  Having to use two razors could be a nuisance.
• The mentholated shaving cream was the best stuff that I’ve ever used.  It gave my head a cool and refreshing feeling throughout the shave.  The shaving cream (or the pre-shave scrub, or the combination of both) provided an irritation-free shave.
• The glossy-finish lotion wasn’t as glossy as I would have liked.  I was hoping to blind my family.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled program…

Last night, my family went to Oldest Daughter’s school holiday concert. The program consisted of vocal and instrumental pieces by students in first through fifth grades.

There are so many things to enjoy at these concerts…

• It is just a lovely sense of controlled chaos.
• The children really put their full effort into everything they do.  (I’m remembering you, Mr. Bell-Ringer.)
• Except when they completely space out.  (Never mind that we’re doing a concert for 600 friends and family members.  I’m fascinated by the ceiling.)
• “In unison” is a term that we interpret in the most generous manner possible.
• Fifth grade boys show off their muscles to the applause after the songs are finished.
• The accompaniment CD needs to play through thirteen tracks – one for each of the twelve days of Christmas plus one for the big finale.   Pandemonium reigns when the sound system will only do one at a time.  (But the tech guy saves the day with some last second prestidigitation!)

And courtesy of OD’s concert, today’s “Five for Friday” are my favorite instruments from the show.

1) Boomwhackers - We hit things.   We make music.  We do both at the same time!  Someone is a genius.

2) Kazoos - Tchaikovsky is rolling over in his grave right now.

3) Chimes/Bells - So we can play “Cccccarrolll off thhe bbbellsss”.  (See my comment about “in unison” above.)

4) Random percussion instruments - If it clanks, we’ll use it (tambourines, small drums, cow bells, cymbals).

5) Recorders - Once they get to fifth grade, they actually let them play multiple notes.  And so they do.  In a band.  All at once.

Here are the kinds of jokes that I’ll be hearing for the next eight years or so, as my children go through elementary school.  They are brought to us this morning by Middle Daughter… who learned them from Oldest Daughter… who has been telling the same jokes multiple times for the last few weeks now…

Middle Daughter: What’s your name?

ordinary (mostly): Ted.

MD: Spell it.

o(m): I-T.

MD: Good!  You got it right!

As I said, we’ve heard it multiple times – yet somehow, it doesn’t seem to lose its humor…

That one was followed minutes later by this one…

MD: What’s your name?

o(m): Ted.

MD: What color is the sky?

(I look out the window at the wintery sky…)

o(m): Gray.

MD: No, you have to say, “Blue.”

o(m): But it looks gray to me.

MD: But we usually say that the sky is blue.

o(m): Ok.  Blue.

(MD points up in the air…)

MD: What direction am I pointing?

o(m): Up.

MD: You just said, “Ted blew up!”

(MD laughs.)

It’s going to be a long eight years.

Tonight, I needed to mix up another batch of my “oatmeal” – really, my breakfast cereal.  I’ve blogged about my oatmeal before, but I like it so much that I thought I’d do it again.  This time with pictures.

Here are my ingredients.  Aren’t they pretty?

Left to right, top to bottom: flax seeds, barley grits, flax meal, bulgur wheat cereal; nine grain mix (cracked), unsweetened flake coconut, quinoa, wheat germ; pearl barley, oat bran, seven grain mix (rolled), corn grits.

And here is the nearly finished product.  Nearly finished, because we pause first to appreciate the artistic presentation:

Yum!

(Ok – I’m done gushing about my oatmeal now.  You all have permission to roll your eyes and regard me as crazy.)

I really do have some more thoughtful stuff to post on my blog, but doing so would require… well… thought.  And I don’t particularly feel like thinking right now.  I feel like pie.  Or talking about it, at least.

My taste in pie is strongly influenced by three sources:

• Yoder’s Country Market (Grantsville, MD) – Otherwise known as ‘The Locker’, the market began as a butcher shop and expanded to become a grocery store (with a really great bakery).  Alas, I believe that they’ve closed now (although the meat operations may still be going – my ordinary parents will know).  Every time I’d visit my grandparents when I was a child, I’d ask grandma to buy me some of their raisin cookies.  They were moist – any time you tried to get one, you automatically got another one sticking to it.  Later on, I began to appreciate their pie, as well.
• My father – we have pretty much the same taste in food, as long as the food isn’t called ‘endive’, ‘kohlrabi’, or ‘dandelion’.  We’ll see how much overlap there is in this pie list.
• My Eastern Pennsylvania heritage – see shoofly.

And now, let the mouth-watering commence!

1) Mincemeat

2) Pecan

3) Shoofly

4) Apricot (with a little bit of tapioca as a thickener!)

5) Rhubarb (ditto on the tapioca)

In early November, Christine Sine invited readers of her blog to join in reflecting on Advent.  During this season, what are we waiting for?

I’m still reflecting, but I may have something to contribute to the conversation later this week.  In the meantime, you might appreciate reading what others have said during the first week of Advent.

Sometime in the last year, I realized that I had squeezed about all I could out of the time in my life.  You know how it is – we’re all a little inefficient sometimes, and if we get rid of those inefficiencies, then we could take on something else.   (Hopefully something that we enjoy!)  Well, I finally decided that I was about as efficient as I was going to be^*, and that if I wanted to do something new, I was going to have to give up something old.

* Let me be clear here – I am not saying that I am fully efficient.  Not by a long shot.  I’m quite inefficient, really.  I’m just saying that my efficiency isn’t going to improve any time soon.  To restate what I said above, I’m as efficient as I’m going to be.  Don’t hold your breath, if you’re hoping for more.

Anyway, you know how, from time to time, you might say, “I’d like to try (fill in the blank) sometime?”  Well – here are the things that I’d enjoy doing, if I had more time.

1) Genealogy – Actually, I already have a good start on this one.  If I ever find some more spare time, this is the first thing that I’ll pick up again.

2) Music – If I had more time, I’d learn a new instrument or practice the ones I already have.  If I were learning something new, I would probably start with violin, but I’d consider bass guitar, dobro, or mountain dulcimer, as well.

3) Woodworking – This would require time, space, and money.  I’d like to have a little shop of my own where I could make furniture or cabinets or maybe turn things on a lathe.  In reality, I don’t expect this to happen any time soon, but I keep the idea tucked away in the back of my mind.  When the girls are older…

4) Photography – I already am able to do a little of this from time to time.  I would upgrade my equipment and focus on nature photography.

5) A mish-mash of things around the house – This is how I jam more than five things into Five for Friday.  There are lots of things that Ordinary Spouse does that I also enjoy, but that I’ve mostly given over to her, since she’s at home.  These include gardening (I’d really enjoy doing the flower beds), sewing,  and cooking.  I’d also do more reading, since my book queue is always about ten books deep.